My room,
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Posted:Mar 5, 2024 6:06 am
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2024 1:06 pm 6175 Views
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It must be because spring is on her way,
Because i changed my whole living room
and now i cant find anything back again! 
To do this , is sooo good for your brains!!
Everyone should do this once, a year or soo..
Because now your brians need to find new ways to find things
so, it keeps your brain healty... flexible
It is still abit of a mess, here and there.. i will take care of the details later....
It looks much more spacious....
And, and, now i can watch the birdies in my bush in the front garden,
without disturbing them!!
I am ever soo happy, with that!!
I changed everything around, the sofa has a totall other place,
my work table too and now i have to rearrange the rest of the room around it.
I have three chairs who are actually a bit too much.....
maybe i throw one out, or put it upstairs..? dunno yet..
For today i am finished.
I will see what will happen, tomorrow.
This month my and partner are coming to visit me,
They are hermits, dont like to go out, at all
Dont like people, in general.....
That is just how they are......
So, it is extra special that they undertake such an adventure to travel to my place!!
And, my sister is planning to come too..
This month, it is my birthday, i dont mind if they come 2 weeks later or 1 week earlier,
it is the act, that counts, to me
Not the exact date, at all!
Although it was a grey, dull, cold day, spring is defenitily in the air!!! 
enjoy!
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11
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The real serious talk,
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Posted:Mar 4, 2024 10:54 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2024 5:45 am 6090 Views
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Between my sister and me, about this whole new situation, for her.
was always done in a in between kind of style..
We never sat down and did the real difficult talk about mourning and all the side effects on her...
We did some, hanging the fresh new wash on the wasline, and talked about difficult stuff.
allways very short and very to the point, in short bursts of intimacy...
We laughed a lot, sometimes we even had belly ache from laughing.
We are in sooo many ways, so alike! it scares me, and her too.
We laughed a lot about our similarities....
And 'blamed' each other of this, too, in a kind way...
Her really found this all very funny....
She was glad i was with my sister and helped her, in other ways wich she was not able to do.
Her helped her in other areas.
and that is alright, too.
We were on the bikes, and talked, or we were doing some washing up and talked,
all very casually.
I think, that made it easier for my sister to say certain things.....
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9
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after care?
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Posted:Mar 4, 2024 6:22 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2024 5:50 am 5740 Views
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A while ago, this was really a hot thing, on FET...
Somehow, someone believed that ALL submissives needed a blanket, as a sign of after care 
I dont know, from wich porn movie they got this "knowledge"....?!
All of the sudden, all the men, i talked to, about bdsm and the how, what and where,
all always somehow, some time started talking about the blanket as a sigh of good aftercare.
I found that such a strange thing to do.
One size fits all? aftercare??
I dont want a blanket, i want HIS attention, his care... him talking to me,
talking with each other.... gently.... caring, touching me ,softly....
A blanket is not an substitude for being involved with your submissive.
I believe that "aftercare"(negotiation) is also something that is used more in play only contacts.
Because, if you knów your submissive, if you both talked about this all
you knów her/ him.
You ask her/him...
You talk alot with each other, always...
If a scene has been rather rough and deep, the "aftercare" might be different, then when a scene was just a bit average.
When you know, what is going on, in her mind, you also know how she feels that day.
And, you talk, always,
The first law, for a submissiveslave, is not keeping things from her d or Master.
ever!
allways full exposure.
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11
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Negotiation?
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Posted:Mar 4, 2024 5:59 am
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2024 12:27 am 5704 Views
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Or just talk with each other, find out, what makes this person tick...
What is important in her/his life.
her/his dislikes, childhood events, overall preferences..
And find out, whó this person is, inside, deep down..
To be able to make a whole mental inmage picture of the other person,
whó she/ he really is....
Negotiation is like vetting, something you DO to explore the area where you and that other person have somethings in common, on the BDSM play list...activities.
TO find out, if you and the other, are going to have a great scene, role play, bondage scene or what ever you fancy.
find out what the soft limits, hard limits are, and know the differences between the two.
If you need aftercare, of if you take care of that, yourself.
things like safety, drinks, something to eat, after the scene..
If you want sex, or not.
If it is necessary to keep in contact, days after the scene you both did,
to see if the s type is still doing oke.
Not letting the s type drive after a heavy scene, because when in subspace,
the brains works differently...
You are not in controle.
Some compare subspace with a runners high, or with smoking those green leaves, with that funny smell....?
I dont like the meaning of negotiation, to me, it is not some business deal.
I need that commitment, that involvement with me, and my life,
it is not, at first a sexual act, to me,
although there are some very deep intens feelings 'in play'
First, there must be a mental connection.
I must have to like you, like the way you think, act, be, in day to day living...
be able to talk about anything, with you and most important be able to laugh with and about you, too.
My experience with those bedroom players, is
that their level of being interested in me, is really, really very shallow
It is only used to get to my pussy...
The short track, that is.
They are not really at all interested in who you are.
Only as long as that brings them to the pussy part of me.
My preferences about sexual acts.....
Also, one other thing, about those bedroom players, it seems like they never remember anything you ever told them...
How is that, for being reliable?
How does that effect the safety of a scene?
If he cant remember your favorite food, or pet, or if you are allergic to something or other, how is he going to remember your hard limits, or trigger points....?
With or without negotiation.
If you both, just start an conversation like you would do, with a new colleague,
and find things out, about the other person, you build something up,
like friendship and really getting to like each other.
BUT, those bedroomplayers are not at all interested in that.
They just want to play a scene...
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2
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Afraid,
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Posted:Mar 3, 2024 11:45 am
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2024 6:41 am 5503 Views
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After staying with my sister for some time now,
and meeting and seeing more and more of her daugther and husband.
I am very much afraid of their health.
They all have rather strange health problems, of wich they dont understand the origine.
All did take the needle
My brother in law, did have mutiple cancer forms, all over and in his body.
Among bone cancer, as one....
The doctors in the hospital, as i have heard from my sister, did not know, how to deal with this
there was some mild form of panic, in the treatment they gave him.
Of whitch non worked.
So, they all are walking ticking time bombs, who knows when what kind of cancer is getting active....and how....?
I am very much afraid for their health, her daugther and husband have two ....
in the age of primary school.
Overall, there are researching going on, about the way the governments all over the world, fucked their own population...
with this corona madness...
There is more and more evidence that the whole show was one big fake show
The w.h.o did have an total other goal, then your safety and health...
That is for sure, shown in all those research done.
That does not make the people who took the needle safe, again.....
I weep for them and hope they stay out of the line of fire, so to speak...
I am very much afraid of the health of my sister too....
She too, has some strange health problems,
Not ever seen in our family history...
And, i cant talk about this, with them, that would be very rude.
They cant help it, that the really trusted their government.
and did what was told... to do.....
I begged, i really begged, friends and family member too
DO Not take the shot.
It is not safe, they are going way too fast!
Dont do it!!
something is very wrong, here! Dont do it!!
Wait, please wait it out, take sick leaves if you have too
But, please, please dont do it.
And, then they all took the needle....
I can cry... about this abuse of trust.
of this totall other plan, behind it....
Sighs..... 
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15
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Vetting...?
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Posted:Mar 3, 2024 11:05 am
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2024 5:29 am 5099 Views
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Or?
Really taking the time to get to know the other?
I believe vetting is done, for when ever you want to have a safe play partner.
Not a relation style partner...
So, you ask around in your local scene if that person is known.
and what his reputation is?
is he safe to play with?
Is he safe to play with at a private place, or do you need to go to a dungeon to be safe with this person?
What is his knowledge level, on safety or on the tools?
All that kind of info collecting, is all about the play scene.
That is not about the relation first, if ever....
It is in my eyes, also rather shallow....
I mean, this guy can be well known, by some other players,
who dont take safety very serious.
or who dont know anything about the safety/ rights of the submissive (m/f)
Or the trafic light system.
Or good negotiation??
So, for me, vetting is not something i trust very much.
i have been vetting some guys too, and their former submissives
all spoke highly of his quality as a dominant.....
While my experience with this person, was not at all good.
So, vetting is not something i will ever be interested in.
I want to knów the person, behind the mask....
How he treats other people.
How he talks about his former submissives
How he talks about other female members of this society...
Or at his work situation.
Vetting is for me, only for when you want to play with someone.
Do a scene, or some roleplay, fantasy play ...
His character?
Might not be of much interest for you...
While for me, his character is where it all starts.
And as far as i have witnessed, the characters of those play partners
are never questioned at all...
To me, that is a red flag.
I take this all very serious
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7
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Ready to go to bed?
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Posted:Mar 2, 2024 1:25 pm
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2024 10:44 am 5513 Views
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Closed all that needed closing, downstairs.
Got upstairs.
Put my glasses of, and looked around in my bedroom...
I saw what looked like a big dark spot on the ceiling...
Was it a bumblebee?
Who took a wrong turn and ended up in my bedroom?
What was it?
So i put my glasses back on, and get out of bed again...
Walk to that wall, look up...
It is a very big spider!! 🕷
I am not afraid of spiders...
But this one is really, really big...
So, i was wondering, if this is a sign that the weather will change again, for the worst??
So now she is walking around...
I will safe her, tomorrow..
Have nice dreams!! 😂🤣😂 🙏❤
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11
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Back,
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Posted:Mar 1, 2024 8:06 am
Last Updated:Mar 2, 2024 1:14 pm 3407 Views
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I am back at my own place.
I must say, i am very happy to be in my own home.
It is great to be with my sister, and ofcourse, i adjust to her daily pattern,
And her daily living routine is much much more slow
then i am used to.
So, i am tired, to have been adjusted to her daily routine....
Some days, we did not get started after noon!
That is totally not possible in my day to day routine!
Only when i am really, really very ill.....
She is only 4 years older... but has a totall different, much more slow life rhythm.
She told me, she does not want to have to hurry anymore...
Her heart is going way too fast when she hurries...
Does not matter, that is her way.
and that is good, for her. 
Well, anyway, she is doing much better now.....
The first sense of shock is over, now....
Mourning is not something with an experation date...
It can take up to 8 years, she told me, i hope for her, that she learns to deal with this loss, and find her own way, in dealing with this...
Next month she will be coming my way...
The weather in Holland is getting abit more better, temps are almost as "high", as 8 degrees! 
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15
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Sunday morning
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Posted:Feb 24, 2024 10:58 pm
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2024 10:22 pm 5176 Views
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Still in the bed...
I am not "allowed" to go downstairs,
Until my sister comes and gets me....
Total madness,
But i am fine with that.
Dont mind at all.
She has to clean out soooo much mess!!
Every corner in the house is full of "stuff"- he NEEDED to HAVE!
and more and more...
3 dinner tabes.
And what about all his cothes!!
Too talk about total madness!
It is a mental decease, you know?
There is even a very fancy word for it.
Onio manie.
The uncontrolable need to buy,
To try to fill that void,
Inside you.
One other aspect of this mental disorder is,
To isolate yourself, from others,
But also other members of your family.
Out of fear, to be found out....
And that is what he did, too
Try to isolate my sister, from having a normal social life.
Contact with her family, friends, be a member of the social life, in this little village.
Fff criminal behaviour,
HE, could have choosen, to go and find help,
With this "problem"....
It overtook every part of their living,
And that of their , too
there was never any money, for out of school activities,
Because he NEEDED to spend it all.
No summer camp, no sportsclubs, for their daughters..
He could have choosen help/ therapy....?
bully, creating fear, manipulate is what he choose....
You do understand, why i never liked him?
Burn in hell, is what he should, for what he did to my sister and her daughters...
On the other hand...
She could have demanded divorce,
Because of him being not capable mentally, to have a family etc?!
Always both sides.... to any story..
Still, there is this ONE thing,
And that is; having, always having your OWN responsibility.
No matter what!
Anyway,
my sister is healing from this mental ...A ^- b^- use... every day, bit by bit...
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6
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Middle of the night, sort of....
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Posted:Feb 24, 2024 2:12 pm
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2024 12:22 am 5250 Views
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Still at my sisters house.
We are doing alright,
We laugh a lot!!
She cries, sometimes too.
We talk, go out on the bikes, take a walk
Do things together.
Both her daughters come to visit her, and help her with all the paperwork..
I stay for a while longer. .
She is doing alright....
It goes up and down...
Mourning is never easy...
Althought she admits he was, to say the least, mental unstable...
And... the rest of the story is not yet told...
No need, for that.
Not for me,
Maybe for her?
I have seen him, for what he was, all along... .
A bad childhood is NEVER an excuse for bad behaviour.
Not a justfication, either!!
You STILL have your own responsibility.
If a bad childhood could be used for bad behaviour..
I should have become a serial killer!
No excuse!!
Only your own responsibility.
If you use your bad childhood, to bully, manipulate every one around you,
You were already mentally a danger for others...
My thoughts...
Typing by night,on my phone,in the dark,
Is a disaster....
Stay cool! 💋🙏❤
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5
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