advise please
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Posted:Jul 7, 2010 5:19 am
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2010 2:56 am 7885 Views
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i don't actually know how to start this, i know i need help but i don't know how to go about asking, how to word the questions as i know i still fear the answers, i have been serving Master well thats what i thought i was doing for just over three years now, we do not live together and the more i sit and think about it the more i know we never will. he is much older than me 60 and although that has never really bothered me in reality it is a huge obstical, the distance is also too crazy as is the fact i've only managed to meet him three times, the last time was for two weeks and was heaven but its almost a year ago now,
well its something thats been driving me mad for about six months now and i can't help but explode at him through frustraion, i need the next step i need more real time i can't and won't carry on the rest of my life over the phone no matter how much i love him and i don't think its right for him to spend his life like that either. But i know breaking it off with him is going to hurt us both and i can't find the strengh to do that.
Anyway as a result of my last outburst he took his control away last thursday for a week, and i'm not going to lie and say its been easy because hell its messed me right up. He has also continued to contact me and at times laughed at my suffering which i have to say i hate him for, well usually i would cave in and run back and beg him to take the control back, but i don't think i want it back even tho writing this has got me pretty upset right now.
I'm not going to pretend i got through this week alone as i did'nt someone i reguard as a very very good friend has stood by me and checked i'm ok with real sweetness and everytime i wanted to crumble and run back 'well i guess he kinda kicked me up the arse to see sense and hold it together, and to focus on my and my business and all the other things that make me happy. i can't say enough how much i appreciate him helping me as 'well basically i am pretty crap on my own lol.
what i want to know is why do i feel the need for his control so bad is it because he has always controlled so much or is it because its not a good idea to break it off, does distance ever work for anyone?
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11
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little things
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Posted:Jul 1, 2010 1:53 pm
Last Updated:Sep 7, 2010 4:07 pm 6548 Views
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ok here goes i've had a seriously naff day today and a as a result of that Master has taken his control away for the next week, its ok i think i'm cool with that although it is getting to me a little, so i've spent the day keeping busy. One of the things i thought i'd do was go and see my dad, see his kinda like a stranger but loveable and usually makes me smile, however he told me grandad was in hospital and he was also very down himself seems his wife may be leaving him, well i'm crap at the soft stuff and well i just went blank as what to say to him, i've never been overly close to him and generally if i hug him i wanna burst into tears for the sake of all the missed longed for cuddles' sad i know! but anyway this was a time i wanted to feel safe and really be held by Master, but then i realised i can't run there now, my release was a seriously boiling hot shower the kind that makes you wanna scream out it burns so bad but wow its such a huge release, what makes you feel released when your having a fucked up day?
well that worked for a bit but now for the hard bit for me to try and explain, in taking back his control he has also taken the one thing that makes me sleep, makes me feel so safe and content his taken away my dummy, its a long story as to why i have it but hell i know its going to be a very long night tonight and well the next 6 too, sad i know and your probably thinking if you want it just have it or get a life and grow up (ok im seriously embaressed here so please go easy on the piss takes) but the truth is i can't, i can't use something his told me not too i'd be riddled with guilt my mind would go nuts and i'd just pace the house all night wanting to ring him. well now you know how warped and daft i am, do you have anything little that you rely on if so what is it?
sighs Sare x
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1
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just because
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Posted:Jun 30, 2010 5:33 am
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2010 4:05 pm 6796 Views
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Life feels exciting at the moment, i can kind of put my finger on it lol (no not there!) and well i want to thank that person for making me feel like i'm walking on clouds again and so so curious. Because i can and because he knows who he is! 
hugs Sare x
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3
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frustration
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Posted:May 5, 2010 9:10 am
Last Updated:Jul 7, 2010 8:31 am 6191 Views
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i'm so full of sighs at the moment do i stay or do i ask for release, i love him with all my heart but after 3 years the distance seems more and more impossible everyday, and the other night i snapped at him big time, kind of tore his head off and now i just feel awful, do i ring him again or do i wait or run i'm soooooo confused right now, sighs sare x
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0
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alone in the darkness
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Posted:Feb 16, 2010 3:17 pm
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2016 12:03 pm 6973 Views
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alone in the darkness not a sound to be heard,
wait there bitch' was his last biting word,
vulnerably naked you start to feel cold,
no where to run as the binds keep hold,
start to shake, as fear sets you wild,
squirming and trembling like a terrified ,
but this excites you, your heat burns strong,
why have you always got excited when you know you've done wrong'
waiting for a whip, a hand or a belt,
whatever he chooses as long as the pain's felt,
but its the fear that drives you makes you want more,
makes your cunt soaked like a cock thirsty '
knowing he will break you and make you cry tears,
all this and more keeps you hooked on your fears!
Sare, rambling again x
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3
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sighs
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Posted:Jan 16, 2010 9:58 am
Last Updated:Jul 15, 2010 3:53 pm 7730 Views
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i hate me so much right now! arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! i feel so damn confused nothing is simple and happiness just can never ever be, i want to break away from everyone and everything and just run and then run some more.
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6
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blog 2010
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Posted:Jan 7, 2010 6:17 am
Last Updated:Jul 5, 2010 4:16 pm 6881 Views
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well it has dawned on me that i have been seriously lazy with my blog for the last (says with a little cough' year') and now i'm stuck as to what to write a blog about so for today i'm just going to leave you with,
big wide smiles.........because this is myspace and i can!
giggles Sare xx
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8
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for my ol freind toomuch'
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Posted:Jul 31, 2009 5:13 am
Last Updated:Feb 16, 2010 3:05 pm 7787 Views
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well too much tv,
it certainly is long time no see,
this poem may be a bit of a rush,
and nothing to loving or full of mush,
but its for you my freind to say welcome back,
and to make up for my blogging lack,
damn im rusty........giggles.
Sare x
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15
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Giving up!
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Posted:Nov 16, 2008 1:38 pm
Last Updated:Apr 7, 2009 8:40 am 6478 Views
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Laughs no you did'nt think i ment being a sub did you 'giggles',
much more exciting than that, i'm now on day five of giving up smoking and thanks too Master i'm suceeding and feeling really good about it too,
smiles widely just thought i'd share it with you all coz i kinda wanna shout i can do this from the rooftops today' 
@ smoking
Sare xxx
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4
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dimples
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Posted:Oct 23, 2008 8:43 am
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2010 2:57 am 5788 Views
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Omg my cousin just sent me a pic she took at my brothers wedding and i'm still giggling now, i still have my baby dimple i really thought i'd grown out of that lmao
not sure if your be able too spot it but i'm going too post it anyway lol as it made me chuckle,
Sare x
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2
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