Topping from a Bottom
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Posted:May 11, 2022 6:51 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2022 9:27 pm 2232 Views
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Write again, not right again.
Ha! I liked exchanging “the” for “a.” FYI - PICTURE FROM 2.5 MONTHS AGO
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.....That is what being a covid long hauler feels like...
Topping from the Bottom
.......Well okay..... ahahah
Maybe not quite! But kinda.
Covid maybe came from the bottom... Deep within the Mariana Trench are said to be some real doozie of creatures. Microscopic little buggers just waiting for a shift in tectonics or other catalysts to come up and give us a run for our money!
Topping from the/a Bottom
Some human eats a contaminated bat from an unclean market.
Topping from the Bottom
Somebody negligently goes to work sick or management forces them to.
You guessed it...#toppingfromthebottom
Some human lab rat decides to take work home or accidentally on purpose exposes a whole civilization to..... _____
Whoops, lemme be quiet. I do not want to start a war of commenting trolls.
Seriously though, topping from the bottom....because what kind of true enlightenment at the bottom would do such a thing!
I digress.
_ _ _
It is a playful switch/sub’s dream to top from the bottom.
The rush of getting away with it.
The reaction from the more Dominant Partner.
The body language that often precedes.
The look in the eyes. The next event.
Delicious.
.....All the things!!!
Yeah buddy!
For each and every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Where is Newton when you need him? Or, an aloof physicist to weigh in on the topic. Anyone with a PhD want to explain some stuff to us?!
It is the perfect dopamine fix we need! That unexpected twist of circumstances. We often know what is coming when we side eye our Dom/Domme. We love it. We want more. We need it, that perfect storm of neurotransmitters.
I say NEED, because personality expresses itself beyond the category of WANT.
You just cannot help yourself.
My buddies and I once got a hold of my high school PA code to make announcements. Epic.
Brings me chills with even the empty thought.
Why?
Why are we like this?
You can encounter a dark-humored, satirical slightly antagonist female out in the streets. She (or whichever pronoun) could be at work, in the general community, at school, at your ’s soccer game, anywhere. No two are going to be exactly alike. Some have constructive outlets for these particularities. Some brats, also, do not. They may use their environment, even the BDSM title, to unleash their own toxic waste. What a perfect cover for one’s unhealthy elements!!! — Be rude, act up in a setting that doesn’t call for it, cause hurt — blame it on being a brat.
Awful. Those poor souls upon which they feed. I can see why these “brats,” get a bad .
Who is more at fault? The one doing the misplaced bratting or the one allowing the ding dong to get away with it?
What do YOU think?
I would say it is situational.
I think there are some folks out here unconscious with their shit. Also mishaps, do indeed happen and may need forgiveness at times.
I’m no evolutionary psychologist, but I think sarcasm is engrained in some of us. Sarcasm NEEDS an outlet. Like an unshepard , (yes 🙃 I made up a word, replaced unsheltered,) if one’s darker traits are not properly laid upon this barren world with grace, these aspects of ourselves grow up to be repressed, relentless, refractory.
I could carry on loquaciously about this theory.
For me, I did not know what a brat was until late last year. I though I was perhaps a prankster, holding sanity to the true meaning of April fools. I could be opinionated, difficult to deal with, ntolerant of bullshit (even my own,) a champion of reality, challenging contractions. A lone warrior of many fights again the delusions of toxic positivity. LOL
I could go on loquaciously about the topic. I need to be concise. Another time my dears 😝
Allow me to return to my original point. My amateur self ADORES a cognitively flexible man. Heck, any cognitively flexible person. They make great managers, teammates, colleagues, partners, play persons, conversationalists, students, mentors! Open-minded, balanced, and willing, I think these types are on the top of their game, often intentional and passionate. The ability to permit the act of playful disobedience while still keeping the ego intact… classic, priceless 🤩
I call it blind bling for the mind.
Forget the flossy, glossy watch… gimme some mind play! Without the broken record of course.
On another note, to be a confidently dominant soul is stellar. They’re out here leading people without outward swagger. (Cue 1999 radio shout out)
One doesn’t have to be an executive of a Fortune 500 company to be a leader. Properly placed leadership can be low key. Quick example, no brag. My yesterday, picked up some trash at the park without me asking. We were walking around downtown Birmingham discussing worldly opportunities, goals, etc .All of a sudden she stops, bends over to pick up a few candy wrappers and unused napkins to place them in the trash.
Time stood still in that moment. That scenario is engrained in my mind, probably for the rest of this lifetime. From the wind blowing the fresh green leaves of the Maple trees, to the brown and teal lined stroller 10 feet away, I envision moments like this vividly. This is a simple act, showing goodness. It’s contagious. I didn’t congratulate her, but placed my left hand on her right shoulder approvingly. We continued our walk and our chat. I looked around, no one saw her. She didn’t do it for clout. There was no post or verbalization.
That’s beautiful.
I guarantee someone will eventually follow that type of behavior. Acts like this will inspire a , a parent, anyone. I didn’t mean to bring up my in a post on a BDSM website, but this is life. Many of us are parents, coaches, teachers, mentors, bosses. We have others in our care that are entrusted to us. We have fun, yet maintain a balance of our responsibilities… hopefully anyways. Lol
Often entrusted to the cognitively flexible, are these bratty characters. Now, based on what I have read, what others have told me, and a couple (or more) in-person experiences, a sassy woman (or man or ____) CAN be off-putting. I say can, because if not executed with tact, class, and skill, the act of “bratting” could be perceived as disrespectful, inappropriate, or lacking taste. One has to know their audience, the frame/scene, and have a certain level of emotional intelligence to weave their way through the reactions of outspoken satire.
Mmmm... I can almost taste it now... the paradox of my jokes, the switches in beta. Ha! The swirl tastes sweet. Although, I must admit, my antagonism has not always been well-placed or well-received. I worked on that.
^^ We will touch on another time.
From the depths of my being, I want to speak fluidly. I want to step into an unmuzzled version of self. My own fear of personal expression has followed me around like a nagging sibling. It is always on my case. Sometimes, one simply cannot fight the nah-ne-boo-boo’s anymore. I did what I could. I zoomed out for a while. I took the hits I needed and shut the fuck up. lol. I looked at myself and my world with eyes of another, and realized I needed to slow my role, pay more attention, and stop opening my mouth every chance I received. That was fun. Still is.
Non-interference is a principle I have recently begun to admire…. I fight the need to perform unnecessary interventions. A work in progress for sure!!
A few life events have taught me to be still and quiet. I did and have, especially for this last one. When I’m in a learning life process or phase, I prefer to place my efforts into going through the motions, improving tangible and intangible resources. If I do not, my thorn of obstinance is strong. It's a character defect that will build a wall of brick wall and muck up some progress. Listening skills, yeah I took courses on that but eeeekkk… Trying to actively and passively listen to life’s teachers is a challenge indeed.
So what shut me up? Well, most recently, long covid and all the rig-a-ma-roles tha carry onward with that. There are millions of them out here and I for sure am not the worst. Regardless, my suffering was immense to me. For 4 month’s, the woes of this virus took the role of my toxic dominant. Strict, cruel, relentless, unwavering, showing little mercy despite safe wording, often behaving illogically and inconsistently. Unpredictable type of -ish.
Viral pneumonia, pericarditis, blood clot, delirium, neurological problems, pain, fatigue, weakness, shingles, staph infection, eczema, cognitive decline and brain fog…
I used a walker in the hospital. My pride went thru the floor.
Being too weak to hold a book, send a text, I had to shut up. I was too tired to do anything. Even getting excited or upset about anything little thing robbed me of my life sourcing ATP and energy.
Having nerve pain shoot through my arms and hands was the most debilitating for the modern woman.I had to step away from the phone, the computer, for weeks at a time.
The hand shaking prevented me from safely using a knife.
I could not do chores. My physical therapist told me I was close to another set back.
Energy conservation he stated. Pacing.
So, I just let the chores pile up. I had a choice. It was not pretty.
Heck, the brain fog prevented me from communicating like a mentally sane person.
It is much better now. Still some residual hocus focus, yet I am recovering! Back to work and cleaning up the mess covid made. I survived. Many others have too.
The encephalopathy is also a strange bird. After a couple confessions of the beautiful psychedelic mountains I saw or long-winded expressions of feelings that should have been on a blog like this or a personal journal entry, I learned real quick to find a way to moderate myself. Real quick. ahah On the days I could type or talk, I made sure to have a thread of “Things I want to say but don’t know if I should” lol
For real….😆
I think part of me was socially isolated so I unloaded when I could. Not good.
Do I recommend holding back like this?
Absolutely not.
Please, get help and find someone to talk to. Ask for help.
I had a couple people, actually more. But eventually, the mantra of an ill person gets old. I recoiled.
~ So yeah, long covid, topping from the bottom of the Animal Kingdom. ~
Fancy.
I thought humans were at the top. Nahhhh. Humans can be fragile creatures. Mother Nature is our TOP.
I thought I was immune to COVID-19. I was breathed, coughed on, exposed without PPE for over 2 years. I just kinda, got through it, unscathed. That is, until Jan 10. The symptoms started popping up and began to compile and layer themselves on top of me as the days and weeks progressed. Hugs and high-fives to us survivors. Also hugs and sentiments to those whom have to deal with the grief and loss of pandemic consequences.
There are quite a few of them.
Nothing and no one is immune. We have lost friends, family members, colleagues, and lovers. Businesses have taken a hit. Jobs have been cut. Changes have come. Mental health has declined. This is all-encompassing grief and loss. FRFR.
One big, compiled, massively fucked up black hole of misery, and I happen to like black holes. Not this one though, each and every one of us somehow has to wake up every stupid day on this planet and face the incessant wah wahs of first world problems (if you live in USA.) Not to undermine anyones woes, yet, in this country, we do not have it too bad compared to other countries with less GDP n stuff. (I hope my peoples do not want to argue this.) I don’t wanna do it! 
Regardless, isolated incidents can be quite difficult. I had what I call a sleep attack on many occasions. I was given no choice but to lie down and leave the conscious world. One of these episodes, I did not wake up for over 20 hours. It lasted 3 whole days. I was alone. The only thing that could muster the where-with-all to get off the couch was a serious obligation. Even then, I think I may have drank a whole pot of coffee in 2 hours.
Thankfully, I did wake up. I'm grateful for that! Within those 3 days, I felt like I slept for both 10 days and 5 minutes simultaneously. Weird weird stuff. I am sure I am not the only one.
I was only sick for 4 months, and only in the hospital twice. In the grande scheme of life and illness, that is NOT a long time. But to me, each day felt like a week. The well wishes and sympathies all faded and blurred away into a heap of nonstop groundhogs days. Does she see her shadow today? Nope? Okay, put her back in the hole.... maybe tomorrow....
When I was actually focused or engaged, the passage of time slipped through the holes inmy cognition. My awareness of what was happening and how much time had passed while doing things, talking, driving, anything, it all rolled together. It was/is strange. I was not even intubated, but I could somehow feel my throat closing on my trachea. Lots of proning. Lots of breathing treatments. Much spiritual conversations. A couple of NDEs... blah blah blah.
Anyways,
So that’s what long covid feels like...
Topping from the bottom…
BOTTOMING FROM THE TOP, if that is even a thing.
It is a groundhog’s day that never ends.
A slave’s lament
a master’s worst nightmare.
A tangle that will not untie.
. SpaceShipSubmarine .
Thanks for tuning in. 😗
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Oh the joys
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Posted:May 10, 2022 3:22 am
Last Updated:May 24, 2022 12:58 pm 3197 Views
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Of human arrogance!
How it pain the cruel world, threatens the insecure, and takes joy away from the seemingly dutiful!
I say seemingly, because to evaluate ones due diligence is not up to me.
I make simple choices.
What shall I wear? What shall I eat? What are my body and mind in conflict about today? Who shall be the negotiator?
Clearly, IT, will not be another human being.
Unless, I willingly GIVE my submission to someone who has earned it, I will not bow.
And I will not apologize or grovel for not doing that.
Even my cat asks for permission to get on the couch with me. She sits on command. If I will, you will too... once in a while.
It doesn't matter if you agree with me. It doesn't even matter if I agree with you. I don't rule the country. I don't lobby for Congress. My vote is not a 3/4th majority, and frankly, neither is yours. Soooo... as a reasonable person of merit and wit, can we agree that we should probably both act like it?
I am still surprised at the sociological and psychological ways of this world, which I believe to be the 3-5th dimension.
New doctors come into the hospital semi-fresh and vibrant, coming off mommy/daddy trust fund or a big heap of loan debt, or somewhere in between the two. They are (usually) humble, have been coached not to piss the nurses off, or learn very quickly not to. lol... Then, after a few years and maybe a title of attending or cardiologist or surgeon or radiologist or ______, all of a sudden, the wings start to grow and the feet begin to levitate off the ground. Ummm no, Doesn't Dr. _____ remember the code I ran for him/her 2 years ago because they forgot the algorithm? I give a mofo credit too. Let the authority have it's place. Because if YOU WIN, generally in life, I WIN TOO. We are all on the same team, trying to pay bills, beat the traffic, quench our thirst. It's really not more complex than that. Yet, an angel will be denied wings and still blame it on the devil.
In other news, if a person leans on their dominance as a foundation of respect, rather than their personal and/or professional integrity, I lose respect for a person. Due to my value system, unfortunately, I cannot serve a person I do not respect. I will go broke before I allow myself to cowtow to the scaffolding system.
Purpose over prosperity... always.
That is all. Thanks for tuning into my initial thoughts on the BDSM personality profiles and it's correlation within my fancies.
Ciao!
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