A Shifter?
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Posted:Apr 20, 2023 3:37 pm
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2023 3:54 pm 4777 Views
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A Shifter? (Or Is it Something Else)
He shifted — no longer addressing me as he had before, no longer speaking to me, showing me or expressing his care and concern over my wellbeing. I was no longer “his sweet”, I’m only “hey there”. I’m crushed, broken. I’ve often heard the term broken but never knew what it felt like but believe I now do. Daily interactions changed overnight to only the occasional message deferring the time when we might connect again.
When asked about his changed his behaviour, he said he had consciously and intentionally chose to step away from the Master-sub interaction and context. He believed I had shifted away from a submissive mindset based on subtle guidance to one of aching for direction. He believed I exhibited both discomfort and pleasure simultaneously which indicated flight. He also said he chose to defer to me on the pace and where ever it may go.
He failed to acknowledge that his demonstrated lack of respect towards me, his lack of disregard for me and my wellbeing, his unreliability triggered the discomfort. These behaviours deviated from how he represented himself and how he had laid out the path forward back in the beginning. I respect that people change or that circumstances might trigger different behaviours, however, if that’s the case, then how can one but be uncomfortable due to the erosion of trust, if it’s never shared.
I wonder can a Master (or a sub for that matter) unilaterally set aside an arrangement without any form of communication? I guess one can, however it begs the question should one. What does a non-communicated unilateral decision say about the principles of integrity, respect and trust, upon which this lifestyle is based. What then does it say about the one who acted in this way.
Inferring I am not a submissive is hurtful, demeaning. To be told I haven’t followed guidance that would pleased him is disappointing. He speaks in generalities without providing the substantive feedback on a timely basis that helps motivate one to correct behaviours.
Aside from those questions, despite my attempts there is little evidence or indication of acceptance of me by others as a person, let alone as a submissive. I try to share who I am, what I think and believe only to be met with those who don’t like it, even to the extent of telling me to “f*ck off”. I clearly don’t fit into their “box”. Facing these situations prompts one to consider whether it’s best to retreat and remain hidden, once again just blending into societal norms rather than who we actually are. Acceptance/rejection - two extreme dynamics that can make or break a person or their spirit, thereby invoking a fragile state, one of feeling and being unworthy.
The question then becomes how much weight should these experiences carry in one’s life. It remains to be seen, for the damage is done once the thoughts enter the mind. But then these are only words expressed by others on a screen. I wonder if things would be different if these were in-person interactions.
Lessons of life, some less desirable than others. The final outcome yet to unfold.
tasina
© April 20, 2023
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Playing the Hand
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Posted:Apr 7, 2023 6:29 am
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2023 3:55 pm 5144 Views
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Playing the Hand
A friend reminded me tonight that there is much to consider when looking for a prospective partner — we need to consider both the Dom and the Man in his entirety.
We can get caught up thinking that we are looking for a Dom, evaluate him for his Dominance qualities and forget to evaluate the man and his human qualities. What does the complete person bring to the table — what qualities, what value and what are his shortcomings. When put on the scale does he measure up. Do his strengths counteract his shortcomings, his weaknesses and do we balance each other out. Is he a taker? Will we receive all that we need from him. Do we pay attention to early warning signs or do we ignore them naively thinking he will change. When looking at his actions, are they consistent with his words — they will validate whether his words are a lie or the truth.
No one person is perfect. Our evaluation has to be done, not from the heart, but from the mind through thoughtful consideration, keeping our emotions out of it. Only then can we find out if he is “perfect for me” and choose to either play the hand we’re dealt or fold.
P.S. This post is equally applicable to all, regardless of role or position. Each ought to have a way to determine compatability.
I hope you have a winning hand.
tasina
April 6, 2023 (Updated April 20, 2023)
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