Sand, ocean breezes, life and death
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Posted:Jun 20, 2010 7:38 pm
Last Updated:Jun 21, 2018 1:13 pm 9264 Views
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Driving across the desert, I now realize that there is a serene, stark beauty that I hadn't seen before. I passed by a crematorium/mortuary and somehow the epiphany of dust to dust made more of an impact. Crossing the lower end of Death Valley, I saw various houses and businesses that just hadn't made it, and I saw the desert reclaiming the land they shortly inhabited. The wind and dust scours the brightness, leaving only timbers, and skeletons of the houses and signs that once fought against the constant dryness. But the desert isn't without life ... I looked at the cliffs and rocks, seeing the edges of the inland sea that once was there. I still see the plants that must consume some water from either sky or sand.
But then, strangely, coming out of the desert, I see the vastness of the ocean. The same endless vision -- one of red dust, the other of blue water. Both unable to sustain humanity on their own. Leaving me, musing on the sand, at the edge of where they meet each other.
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Hmm .. Vegas musings
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Posted:Jun 19, 2010 7:25 pm
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2010 4:10 pm 9032 Views
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So .. here I am in Vegas. Lost at the poker tourney, but I feel I did a good job for my first real tourney, with money and such!
However .. the shopping! Oh my. I have seen some shoes that I would just LOVE to have. Not willing to pay Vegas prices, but .. there were these turquoise wedge heels .. soooo cute! And some red Valentino heels with roses ... oh my!!!!! I however am exercising some control over the credit card and not buying all of them!
And from the pool .. while I know that I am larger than I should be .. it surprises me how thinner women have more fat jiggles than I do. I know that my doctor keeps telling me that muscle weighs more than fat; I'm just stuck at the I should be a perfect weight place. But .. I am tempted to get a tattoo still. Just a little sea turtle someplace. 
Looking forward to going west to the beach tomorrow!
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camming, legs, etc
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Posted:Jun 10, 2010 1:17 pm
Last Updated:Jun 19, 2010 7:16 pm 9082 Views
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Ok. I have to say that my legs must be very popular! I was camming yesterday and over 200 people were perving my cam. I was feeling all sexy and hot, until I realized that my popularity was probably due to me being the only female camming. *sigh* And here I was thinking my recent exercise was productive.
And to those who send messages to people camming. It is quite a moodkiller when someone insults you via IM! In my mind, very few women like being called fat, and maybe you should find out if they are into humiliation before trying it! Just a thought! So now you know why I am sometimes just turn off the cam, I don't need the pressure!
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oh my *waves hand at face* hot book
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Posted:Jun 1, 2010 4:50 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2010 7:40 pm 8750 Views
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Ok, so I am amazingly turned on by the new Hamilton book. But so far ... oh one line
"The stilettos were four inches. I looked fabulous in them, but as my sexy meter went up, my graceful meter went down . . ."
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My own procrastination!
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Posted:Jun 1, 2010 3:43 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 5:20 pm 8798 Views
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It has been brought to my attention that I have neglected to post for a loooonnnnnggg time. So, I thought I would attempt to remedy that.
Update on me:
My right wrist is doing well, but my left has decided it needs an upgrade or something. I just called the doc since opening a jar brought me to my knees in pain (and it wasn't even a tight lid, just mayo!)!. I was hoping that next week I could restart yoga since other parts of my life slowed down. *sigh*
Work is well work. I will be gone for a large chunk of June for training and such.
My dogs are wonderful. They adopted a kitty. They have quite a good deal going on here! I need my own version of their spoiled life.
I am on my way downstairs to the hammock with my new book. *Happy Life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
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email limits
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Posted:Sep 27, 2009 9:07 am
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2010 3:38 pm 9459 Views
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Soo ... hopefully the right people will see this . I have exceeded my alt limit, again .. so no more emails for me today at least. There are other ways to contact me though.
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injuries and strangeness
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Posted:Feb 28, 2009 7:08 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 5:20 pm 7131 Views
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Some of you are aware of a problem I have with my wrist. Well, the docs in their infinite wisdom decided that I might have a blood clot and did an atrocious test shooting radioactive dye into my heart and taking pictures. Since I don't do well with needles (fainted every time) and was under a lot of stress, I weakened my immune system and managed to get whatever crud is going around.
Needless to say why I haven't felt like being online much.
Otherwise things are interesting. I am constantly surprised at the doom and gloom media coverage of the recession (and shocked at what people are saying it will do to my career). While I completely understand that there are problems, I can't see what stimulus packages will do to aid.
I bought my house and have worked very very hard to pay the mortgage every single month. I have never been late. The first few years it was pretty hard, but I knew that I was in it for myself. I never expected someone to come bail me out! I pay my credit cards every month, never been late, and they raise my interest rates. How is this helping? What I see many of these policies doing is to strengthen the ideas and fears of society which is going to make the recession worse, not better.
My dogs are good -- we had some medical issues last month. One had a tumor, but it was benign so we are happy. I've decided getting old sucks. The dogs start having problems, I start having problems ... I want to go back to afternoon naptime, homemade cookies, and smiling people.
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Perfection
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Posted:Jan 10, 2009 7:20 am
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2010 3:38 pm 6258 Views
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Simple darkness, lit by a glimmer of cold, silver-white light, slowly growing and enlarging against a setting of blanketed, frozen water -- the snow of the night before. Still unmarred by the prints of man or animal, it shines and reflects the growing light. Moving from silver to a melting copper, radiating heat into the frozen darkness, bringing life and awareness to a new day. Like a rising bubble, transient in its perfection, the snow settles deeper into the warming earth, demonstrating the perfection of a moment, impossible to maintain, but glistening in its dignity.
*sigh* It isn't often I get to watch a new day dawn, normally the sunrise is just a warning of the end of sleep .. and the signal to rush to start a workday. I also am a night owl, so the blankets tend to keep me asleep on those few mornings I can sleep past the sunrise.
This morning was on of those quiet moments of perfection. Wrapped in somewhat warmth, I sat on my deck, watching the sun reform the world. The snow from last night still unbroken -- the way it causes your heart to ache. You know someone/something will continue on its way through the world, changing how the vagaries of weather created a new piece of paper for us to write a new world upon. A perfect cup of Earl Grey. Just the right temperature, just the right scent, a simple citrus note awaking the brain.
Of course my dogs think I am crazy. Why on earth would I sit on a cold deck, hands around a delicate cup, instead of wrapped in the warmth of the house, sleeping soundly.
On to my next discovery.
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Revealing oneself
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Posted:Jan 9, 2009 5:48 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2010 3:37 pm 6222 Views
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The word reveal, to discover, uncover, show to the light, is an interesting word itself. When one attaches it to oneself, the panic ensues. Do I wish to show that which I am, that which I am not, that which I wish to be? And who is it that I am revealing that to? In order to reveal, someone must be observing -- otherwise its getting undressed by yourself in a dark room.
Certainly it is possible to reveal to yourself, to the world, to others, to one person. IF that is so ... to whom am I revealing in this blog?
The entire process is unnerving. When I first meet someone, anyone, the spark is new. I want to find out more, what that person is like, how that person compares to me -- where that person fits in my view of the world. Sometimes, that means the person becomes a friend, a confidante, a lover. It also can mean the opposite. I'm sure everyone has met someone they do not wish to know "better." The woman at the meeting with the voice that grates on your nerves. The man, that for some reason, reminds you of your creepy uncle -- maybe its the receding chin, or the uneven sideburns.
I like learning about people; I even like revealing myself to others -- to a point. And then, it threatens. Like the draw of watching thunderstorms ... building clouds .. darkening skies .. the power of the sky and nature itself rising above your tiny existence, but that moment cannot last. Always the storm breaks, the pressure released, the promise fulfilled, the commitment given. That is the moment I fear -- and desire -- the most. Is it worth it to lay bare one's soul, to let someone else in to the inner most sanctum. Its reaffirming, but also releasing .. one becomes more and less as the "chains of egotism shatter into the ocean of humanity." In order to be with someone, one must subsume oneself ... realize that both egos exist inside one space ... find the place where balance is created, where unity overrules duality.
*sigh* Why can't I just say I have a hard time letting someone in?
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hmm .. blog .. slog .. glog .. hey, that's a good drink!
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Posted:Jan 8, 2009 7:07 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2010 3:37 pm 6160 Views
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Who knows why I have decided to attempt to create a blog. I used to have a blog on another -- more public -- site, but I felt it was a little too risky. It's really easy to accidentally reveal more about yourself than you intended or desired.
I guess I am just a little frustrated tonight. A little Dickinsonian moment ...
The soul selects her own society,
Then shuts the door;
On her divine majority
Obtrude no more.
Unmoved, she notes the chariot's pausing
At her low gate;
Unmoved, an emperor is kneeling
Upon her mat.
I've known her from an ample nation
Choose one;
Then close the valves of her attention
Like stone.
My soul does the same. I have never been the outgoing person with 10 million friends, or even 10 really. True friends, and ones I am willing to spend my time with, number under 5. It doesn't matter who it is, I want more from a friendship than casual chatting or venting. I want to know that person, to delve into their very soul and know them as well as they wish to know me. To find a resonance between our existences.
Ah Emily. If only you were not fragmented into the atoms of the world, maybe we would be friends.
Now I have to consider if I want this to truly be a blog. I guess the concept of a blog is to have people respond -- hence why its not a diary. We'll see if this mode works for me.
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