once upon and far a way....
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Posted:Feb 14, 2018 6:04 am
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2018 12:43 pm 5791 Views
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Since my youth i knew i needed other stuff, than the regulair vanilla "love making soft stuff".
I was not at all impressed by boyfriend who pretended to "be nice"...
I was never interested in "nice"...
I get a rash from that word.
Always on the look out, for some special quality in a boy/man
i could not have told you, what that special quality was.....
But i knew, i would recognise that character trait when i found it, in a man....
And that has been proven right.
A whole lot of water under the bridge, later, much later....
I found that dutch bdsm site... i dont know how, anymore...
I, in all my naivety, really thought, now i have found them
Here are ALL THE DOMINANT MEN.
Little did i know...
i just could not imaging, that there are vanillas, who watch bdsm porn and imagine that is about them.
I just never in my whole life, i could have imaging, that all kind of mental cases where hiding on those sites, to hunt down vulnerable women
wich they could ruin, just because they feel like it,...
Psychopaths, Narcistic, Borderline, Asperger Autist, just regulair brain damaged males, males with a very big women problem, issue.
The whole f*cking DSM IV is on those sites!
I talked and read and asked a whole lot of questions, i never understood the whole acting/roleplaying act
I still dont.
But that is not important anymore...
So, i thought i was ready for the real deal...
Trying to find someone, who is reliable, trustworthy, an emotional stable person, fun to be around with....
I searched, and searched....
Not knowing what my criteria where...
So, i picked this man... he looked oké, we had some nice conversation going on, before the meet up...
BUT, i did not know anything about NEGOTIATION, there was this "things to do" list...
wich we exchanged, to learn about what the other person wanted...
But that was a list...
There was never any real deep conversation going on.
So, we meet, we talked, because i was very nervous, i had made some sort of questions list... ( read about that on that site)
The first thing he did, was take that list away from me
lets talk, was all he said...
I was in shock. WHY?
So, we talked,
but to be honest, at the moment that he took away my question list, he already violated my bounderies.
WHAT DID I KNOW?
i did not know anything about bounderies... i did not even understood what that could mean....
TOO LITTLE....
Also, i did not have BDSM friends or buddies, with wich i could check my perception, my view on the whole.....
Someone safe.....
Just normal human respect.....?
So, i.......well,...........
Ofcourse, this went very, very wrong, eventually.
As he did in that first conversation,
He also just totally ignored my hard limit, just was totally focussed on what gave him a hard on, it was all about his kinks, fetishes.
I was just some tool... not human.....
He did not know how subspace looked like, how someone might react when in subspace....
He was not qualified.
I tried to talk to him, about what was going on, he could not handle that.
So, in the end, he told me; i have ASPERGER...
Whát?
The damage was already done.
While i was in subspace, he went for all my hardlimits.
(like soooo many fake, wannebees, f*ckers do)
I was in no state.
I could not even remember my own name....
I was crying my head of, telling him; No, NO, NO, i am not ready for this....
sitting on the couche, and he just went for my hardlimits....
That was the end...
If he had been honest to me, and told me, in the first conversation; oh, by the way, i have APSERGER,
i would have had a chance, i did not know, so i gave consent for something i did not even know!
stupid, and really really dangerous.
If he had told me that, i never wanted to get involved with someone like that, with such a disorder.
Because, ASPERGER, is a autistic disorder, they can mimic emotions, they can act the day to day life, but they dont feel it, they dont have empathie.
but if you have to read someone's bodylanguage?,
little nuances?
They havent got a clue!
Dont recognise anything!
They are EMOTIONAL CRIPPLED
those guys dont belong in the BDSM WORLD.
He is stil around on fetlife..... ( keep an watchful eye on the enemy) 
The very painful question of course is; How was it possible, that i, who is very good in reading people, in general, choice that person?
What happen to those skills?
Was it all subfrenzy?
Madness,
being soo glad to finally finding what i have been looking for for the rest of my life?
I thought....
I must say, in the Dutch scene there are very, very many play act vanilla sexdoms, with personality disorders...
Or just vanillas who are just totally emotional fuck-ups, in real life.
Realy, a lot of people with disorders in the emotional scale...
So, that was my introduction in what is the Dutch scene..
It took me a very long time to feel confident enough to start looking again...
And even then, after that, i was extremely carefull, wanted to mail as long is i needed,
wanted to know all and everything, his medical history, his relation history
his anger management problems, alcohol use....
I just kept on asking...
Well, i learned, that that is the way to differentiatie between the play-fake vanilla doms and the more serious people.
Since then, i did have some meetings, "dates"...  amp; and all were just in for the kinky fuckery.
vanilla doms.
All were emotional crippled in one way of the other.... and some were extremely rude.
Crying about that their wife! did not want to wear rubber/latex, because he got horny on that, so she had to wear that... ?
Or telling me; tjee, thank the Lord, you dont have a moustache, because many women above 40 get a moustache...
I can go on, and on, about those socalled "doms" i did meet...
real men in control of themselfs.... dont make me want to puke.
An other way to be able to make the difference between a fakers, sexplayvanilldom
is;
they always, very soon in the conversation, want to talk about sex, ask about the size of your nipples... all kind of very intimate questions, for a first conversation...
As if it is their right to ask all kind of very intimate information about your body...?!
They are not INTO you,
They are into YOUR BODY PARTS, they need a picture, so they can get turned on...
Their communication skills are also very bad, they dont know how to keep a conversation flowing, be open and attentive to their conversation partner...
Frankly, because they dont give a damn.
In my dating days, it was all very clear, you liked what you see, you talked, it has a working brain, It could dance! cook, you have fun, so you made clear you were interested
Very open en clear.
Picking up some fuck buddy.
No hidden agenda, no game playing.
maybe if the sex was real good, you meet again and became a regular fuck buddy.
or maybe even a real friend.
But, with all the mental cases running around here....
It is very dangerous for subs/ women.
Once a dominant told me, a dominant appreciate when the other person has a lot of questions, because it means to him, that other person takes her own safety very serious.
You are two people, first.
Two human being, with a life, a past, family, work, worries, hobby's.
On munches it is all the same, almost all vanilla roleplayfantasy vanilladoms....
So f*cking boring!
So? what are the chances that i will find that one man, who has dominance in his veins/ character trait?
not his dick.
I am good, it is alright, i know there are more, far more emotional crippled here, then that there is ONE sane safe dominant sadistic loving, caring, emotional stable man...
I know, i am good.
life is good. 
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Today, Tuesday
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Posted:Feb 13, 2018 5:53 am
Last Updated:Feb 14, 2018 1:41 am 5381 Views
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It is a nice sunny day, only the freezing cold wind from the East is making it impossible to sit outside... your ears will freeze of!
i love it so much the first ray of the sun.... finding a good place to sit in my garden... just for a half houre is enough...
Not today.
This day is the day for backing crackers.. toast if you like, 
i dont mind eaten crackers from the shop... that much....
When i am lazy....
But, my own crackers! Oh my! they smell so good & taste good too.
I always change the recipe, other herbs, raisins, sesame seed, pumpkin seed.....
Cant wait untill i can get them out of the oven, butter them and taste that first bite.....hmmmmm 
They have to dry now.... so the oven is low, and i wait and wait....
Tomorrow is pancake day! with banana and ginger... and a whole lot of herbs!
Maybe i bake cookies too...
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sunday cleaning! :-)
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Posted:Feb 11, 2018 4:46 am
Last Updated:Feb 13, 2018 6:29 am 5314 Views
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It is a nice semi sunny day.
I am on my sunday cleaning frenzy!!
Love it!
the litter cat box,
hoovering with the radio on Loud! !
The washing machine working his! ass of!
ironing,
and when on a break, reading on Fetlife, good pieces about Protocol, Master & Dominant,
Slave without Masters....
There is soo much to learn!
And sometimes i give my view on things....
Not everybody can handle my straightforward view.
Cant handle my no nonsense bullshit from "doms"...
I cant stand shallow people.
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KINK, versus BDSM
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Posted:Feb 11, 2018 3:15 am
Last Updated:Feb 21, 2018 1:05 am 5218 Views
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Most men and maybe women too?
i dont know, i am not looking for women...
But for sure, the most of the men on here, want strictly kinky sex, in the bedroom, kitchen, garden, livingroom, but kinky sex/fuckery is their goal!
Because they dont know shit about BDSM, they ofcourse call themselfs doms;
It sounds sooo good, they feel so good about themselfs, using that name
What they DONT know, is that calling your self dominant has a meaning in BDSM.
It is not something you give yourself freely because you get a hard on, by calling yourself something you will never be albe to pull off
It is such a pitty, dont you think?
It would be so much easier, when those persons just would call themselfs TOPS.
or KINKSTERS.
By using that name, every women who knows about the protocol, the ground rules of BDSM, knows about what she needs, is looking for in a man.
Knows where she is dealing with.
And can say; no thank you, you are a TOP, that is not what i am looking for,
good luck on your journey...
No hard feelings, goodbye.
Nowadays, as a sub/slave, you almost have to defend yourself against those buggers
Who dont know SHIT, about BDSM.
Have no respect for subs/slaves, (women in general?) no selfrespect?
Dont know anything about compatiblity, negotiation
The only thing, they are good in, is DEMANDING your submission.
Poor souls...
Dont understand one thing, AND, even worst, are not able and willing to LEARN, from their mistakes, ever.
Porn contaminated brain cells.
They dont know, that they need to be of a consistency in their life, relation, work,
as a human
The dont know, they have to know themselfs FIRST, before they are ever able to know someone else...
They dont know, that having an anger management problem is not going to work in a D/s relation.
It is such a waste of time, energy and effort.. trying to teach those fuckers something about THE PROTOCOL OF BDSM, the basics of BDSM.
that is because they only want the FUN part of it, the fuckery
They dont want the responsiblity that comes along, with being a dominant.
They would not know how...
So, when some geezer is calling himself DOMLORDSIROF THE DARKAGES,
run for the hills.
Dont ever take such title serious.
Unless, it shows in his behaviour.
In his consistency
In his interest in YOU,
In his ability to show feelings, doubt, emotions.
In his sense of humor,
In his ability to keep his promises.
In his ability to have an open communication with you about all and everything.
Being a real life persona. with ups and downs like we all have, but who knows how to handle his own shit.
KINKSTERS! 98% on here are KINKSTER, PLAYERS.
Be aware.
Good luck.
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3
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I wonder....
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Posted:Feb 6, 2018 3:55 am
Last Updated:Feb 8, 2018 10:58 am 5470 Views
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On IM, this man contacts me, from Spain.
He starts of with complimenting me about my profile picture....
He is not the first to compliment me....
That just does not do anything to me, at all.
I am not impressed, at all.
I conclude; he is a watcher......
I tell him, that is not me, reading helps to understand....
Then he starts off by lecture me about what i can an can not put on MY profile?
WTF?
That i lead people on and so on and on..amp; Really?
So, i ask him, did you contact me, to have an argument with me about MY profile?
What do you want?
If you like to jerk off on some pictures?, you go right ahead, dont pester me with that.
He replies: he is always horny...
Jeah?
so?
STOP ALL PAPERS! WORLD NEWS! STOP ALL TRAFIC, WORLD NEWS!
This is a man who is 50 something, you understand?
Not some 17 year old...
In years he seems to be adult.
Not by his behaviour, not by a long shot..
I always wonder if that man has any ability to think things over?
To try to think how someone else will experience this kind of behaviour?
If he is willing to tell to this his mates? or his family? or his boss?
Does he really think he can impress me, by telling me he is horny?
He must be the FIRST MAN, ever, who is horny....?
Wake up call; WHO CARES, I DONT!
Pathetic behaviour.
Real adult like.
I just wonder what, if any, is going on in their heads? he is not the first to tell me he is horny..
I always ask very gentle, if they have any problems with their hands?
( they dont take a hint easily...)
Pathetic.
As if i am interested in someone who is only able to "think" with his dick?
egoistic pathetic excuse of a human.
I pity them.
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4
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So Happy!
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Posted:Feb 6, 2018 3:25 am
Last Updated:Feb 8, 2018 10:53 am 4875 Views
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I feel so blessed,
i have a nice house, enough to eat en drink, nó, no booze please!
The sun is shining, it is freaking cold!
I have a very good bed to sleep in,
I love all domestic chorus,
my shower is real hot, the way i like it,
Life it good.
My life has been a bit of an adventure, to say the least... a challenge too.
Bút, life gives you just so much to chew as you can handle.
So, even on that part all is well.
I am thankfull.
For áll what life has thrown and will throw at me.
I am willing and able.
What more can you ask for in life?
All is good. 
I know who i am, what i need, that is more then most can tell, say about themselfs..
So,
all is well.
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7
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First Requirement;
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Posted:Feb 5, 2018 7:46 am
Last Updated:Feb 6, 2018 2:36 am 4047 Views
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For setting up a contact;
First Requirement:
Act like the human being you are,
not some imaginair fantasy role, you cooked up in your own head about yourself.
No body is perfect, without flaw.
Most subs have a pretty good vision about the qualities they seek in a person with dominant tendencies.
Second requirement:
Be the person you are, when you are with friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, while drinking coffee...
Third requirement:
Be true to yourselfs,
Sooner then later the other person will notice some inconsistancy, in your behaviour, your mail, in your word use, your whole demeanor.
Listen,
if you have trouble with remembering, take notes.
And, more important: aks questions,
Be inquisitive, curious, genuine
Remember her answers!
Have a fluent conversation,
be in control, (of yourself)
that is not the same as bullying someone into submission....
You only have to 'prove' your humanity, empathic skills, sense of humor,
She/He will notice if your - dominance- is sincere, and fits her way of submission....
..... Or just a selfish, egoistic act to get to her pussy...
Dont start a conversation about her bodyparts/pinkparts, shape of nipples, length of her labia, her pain threshold.
She is not some sexworker!
She is also NOT YOUR FETISH DELIVERY SYSTEM.
She is a human being FIRST.
This is about building trust, get to know each other, friendship first.
Be prepared to answer all kind of questions, about your character, your job, your history with girlfriends or boys?
Your longest relation, your family bond,
Anything, with wich she/he can estimate your personality to see if you two are compatible.
Compatibility is what counts, liking each other, having the same sense of humor,
sex drive, moral codes, political ideas, ecological thoughts.
Or just check her fetish list, see where you are compatible and go from there,
that is being a TOP and being a BOTTOM.
That has nothing to do with D/s relation, M/s relation/dynamic.
That is all about wanting to experience as much as possible actions from your fetish list.
Nothing wrong there, if that is what you are after.
BÚT, DONT CALL YOURSELF A DOM, PLEASE
If you do, you are just plain stupid and it shows.
Know the difference.
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NOT dominant? ( enough) hehehe....
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Posted:Feb 5, 2018 3:06 am
Last Updated:Feb 5, 2018 8:05 am 4098 Views
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The rest will follow.....
Patience,
sense of humor,
humanity,
humble
empathic,
self knowledge,
Have his shit together, in life, in work, in family Or working towards that....
Having a goal,
The rest will follow.....
To paraphrase Janis Joplin; Thats it folks! heheheh
Oh, Lord will you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends all drive Porsches, i must make amends....
Now you! 
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NOT submissive (enough?)
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Posted:Jan 31, 2018 11:52 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2018 8:19 am 4093 Views
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It is something i experience time and time again.
Some man contacts me, we mail, it is all nice and civilised.
After some mail exchange, he starts from assumption 'asking' me things about my submissiveness...
without the need from me, to answer them, rather not
they just want you to admit he is right about all his assumptions!
So, i answer him, like i would answer any person wich whom i have a conversation.
He does not like my attitude... my remarks..
Those men are mostly not very good in holding a DIA-LOGUE/negotiation.
Telling me; "i am not submissive enough'?
for what? To whom?
I did not yet agree to submit to him, at all, yet.....
This was just talk to get to know each other.......
He does not know anything about me, my background, my flavour in life...
He does not even ask anything!
So?
where is his interest in mé?
as a person?
Not there.
To him, i am just a fetish delivery system.
He prefere me to not be too human and a life at all.
To not aks for some humain contact, first,
to build a friendship first.
Nothing of that sort, please
He just want a somewhat goodlooking fetish delivery system, good at play braindead please.
he does not have to be seen outside with me,
he does not want to know any personal aspect about me,
because then he has to act human too, his mask will crumbles to the ground
He just want to get in his fantasy role, he created in his head, about how he thinks, fantasies A DOMINANT should act like...
This woman should behave like his fantasy in his head.
talking about anything else then the fetishes, is breaking through his fantasy.
Wich makes him very angry and he acts that out on you, most of the time, by very rude, uncivilised behaviour, full of women hatred...
real nasty!
I have this happening to me, sooooo many time now!
i can almost predict when those men get angry and show there real faces..
i have to say, they never fail, dsappoint me, alas....
I am always shocked by the amount of hate and vile comments they deliver....
Wondering, hoping there will never be a new fragile sub who fall in their claws....
Because, my god, he will damage her for life.
Break her, her trust in the human kind, too, leave her and go on to the next victum.
that kind is not a dominant at all, that kind are predators under the disguise of 'dominance'''.
There is no such thing as not "being submissive enough"!
submissive behaviour is something that will come alife, will be triggered if you like, when she meets a dominant who fits her and vice versa.
With building the trust, showing patience, real interest in the whole person, show respect for her, she will feel herself open up to him, bit by bit.
there is no - one size fits all- submissiveness or dominance.
A SUBMISSIVE (BEHAVIOUR) does not excist.
My way of showing my submission will not be liked by all dominants.
And that is alright, because some behaviour of some dominants are not to my liking at all!.
Have to go now, and do the dishes: a bussy working day, tomorrow!
behave yourselfs! , or not.....
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6
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without respect
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Posted:Jan 26, 2018 10:23 am
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2018 11:36 pm 3570 Views
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Sometimes, i get a reaction from some man.....
He starts with having problems writing my profile name...?
(lack of interest? lack of intelligence?)
It is very clear, i thought.....
Oké, if you dont understand the last part...?
I mean; aluin? common! what kind of a name is thát?
That is a possibility... but... Hey! IIF you are interested in ME?
You could very well start a conversation with ASKING about that part....?
Dont you think? Just be bold!
Not this geezer!
I am called babe....
If there is one thing i loath more than misuse of my profile name, is calling me; anything BUT my profile name.
For me, that means, he did not even take the time, interest to really read my profile of blogs..
That he is the sort of guy who picks up girls, women and dont bother to remember their names, it is all a game to his kind....
An other notch on the bedpost.
I dont judge that, i did that too, when i was 16/23 something like that...?
without the "babe" part of course!
He doesnt want to make the mistake to A by the name of girl C...Or, god forbade, call his woman at home, by the name of one of his victories....
All women are commutable for him.
so, every women is; BABE...
CHEAP!!! F*cking lazy.... no no.....
And that is oké, that is his right.
He does not háve to read my profile, blog or reactions on other blogs...
Only, when he does not, that says a lot about his state of mind.
He might be "fun" to play around with a bit, no strings attached kinky fuckery,
S E X... boring....
Not expect too much of him...on a human level...
There is not much there....
So, after reading his profile, looking at his pictures, (mostly only penis pics) see who his "friends" are....
I know enough.
To men like this species, it is all game.
We, women on here, are not really real for them
Narcistic tendencies?
Autistic tendencies?
Who knows? Who cares?
I dont even take the time to react.
it is just some annoying back ground noise..... like a fly trying to get out, through the window... by keep banging his head against the glass.. kind of behaviour...
It seems al part of being online, on any site....
I suspect he sends this mail message to almost any women on here, who might look even slightly attractive.. or just having the female pink bodyparts is enough, i think..
At FL they have ; RETURN TO SENDER...
this one fits right in there.
Just one other one of those.....
They are more common, nowadays, that the clap! 
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