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Jokes for the week

All i will be posting to you all are good and funny jokes. You all are welcome to post them as well. enjoy the laughs.

Why?
Posted:Oct 1, 2018 5:23 pm
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2022 8:30 pm
3528 Views

Why is it so hard to find a master near me that knows how to work with a true slave? Once I kneel I do not control hat happens around me during a session.

I need to feel the control of their hands and mind taking my control from me as I kneel before them. I crave that controlling touch they have to lull my mind into the submissive state.

If they only knew what the reaction was once I reach that state of mind, they would find that my body reacts to everything in a more pleasurable way.

To have my mind in in a vanilla state when needing me to serve allows my mind to wander. I mentally remain in control as they use my body which makes for a less involved slave. I still give up control, just not that of my body's reaction.

I need the right one to control it all.

People see me but not many get me. I am in control of my life, but I am a slave to just one need.

Why can't they see it or understand it... me?
3 Comments
Just funny
Posted:Mar 25, 2017 9:40 pm
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2022 8:32 pm
5506 Views

A window, a wall and a floor walk into a bar and order three pitchers of beer. The bartender thinks that's a lot of beer for three guys but figures there are friends on the way.
After some time has passed, the bartender looks of to see the window is smashed. The wall is plastered and the floor is under the table.
0 Comments
To the Master that will crave what I give,
Posted:Oct 9, 2016 2:52 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2024 7:53 pm
8007 Views

I am very different from the typical slave on the internet. I am for the real time use.

I do not try to top from the bottom, what is the use in that if I wish to give you the control. I am very confident in who and what I am as well as what I seek in you. Therefore I will not cower or kneel just because you say so.

I accept spankings with a reason, but will not just because you like inflicting pain to see how bad you can mark my flesh, it is still my body and I do not wish to have to cover up a stupid thing as a beating done with any object.

I know how much you wish to push my limits however even I do not truly know what they are. so I do not know what there is to push.

The word humiliation only exist to me in the form of a punishment. Nothing I do for you will ever make me feel humiliated.

I prefer not to deal with , animals, scat or urine. these are the biggest turn offs to me, I also prefer to be among the living for as long as I can naturally live.

I know you will desire my obedience but it does not come to easy as I must prove what I am, you also will have to prove what you say you are.

Please do not ask me to tell you my desires in pleasing me because I am there for you, please try your desires on my body and watch the reactions you get, drive me over the edge of holding back for you and then please push me some more.

I wish to be your ultimate Fantasy.

I do not drive out of town as I do not have a DL so if you need me in your town You will need to get me there. I do have a family so do not expect me to leave them for you.

When I am with you, you are my only concern, and you will have my full attention. If you wish for me to dress a certain way provide it as it will only be worn for you and in your presence.

I will always wish to please you, but if you lie or hurt me for no reason I will be gone from you forever once I walk away from that it is over contract broken. I will not lie to you so please do not lie to me.

So now what is it you desire?
0 Comments
nouns for animal groups
Posted:Sep 7, 2011 4:17 pm
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2013 10:07 pm
43845 Views

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

We are all familiar with a Herd of cows,a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese

However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows, (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.

Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of ALL primates.

And what is the proper collective noun for a group of Baboons?
Believe it or not, it is a Congress!

I guess that pretty much explains the things that come out of Washington
2 Comments
A blonde on horseback
Posted:Sep 7, 2011 4:13 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2024 7:53 pm
43817 Views

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the unassisted, and the immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the 's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the 's neck, but she slides down the 's side anyway. The gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the 's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the .

And you thought all they did was say Hello.
1 comment
We weren't green back then...
Posted:Aug 29, 2011 5:01 pm
Last Updated:Oct 1, 2018 8:51 pm
44030 Views

In the line at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she
should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized to her and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment."

She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.

But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every
store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the
throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy
gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; We didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief(remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana .

In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.

When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.

We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and rode their
bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.

We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Please send this on to another selfish old person who needs a
lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.
0 Comments
Perks of reaching 50
Posted:Aug 29, 2011 3:31 pm
Last Updated:Sep 10, 2011 9:41 am
42111 Views


Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you, too.

Don't laugh.... It is all true!

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 And heading towards 70 or beyond!

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.

4. People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask, 'Did I wake you?'

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 PM.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15.Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

19. You won't remember that you read this list in 30 minutes.

And you notice these are all in big print for your convenience.

Send this to everyone you can remember right now!

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING:

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill, and a laxative on the same night!
0 Comments
The set up
Posted:Aug 22, 2011 3:45 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2024 7:53 pm
42197 Views

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful, younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was 22, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate, because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I am going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lord...and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all were clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father in law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our .

Welcome to the family.

"The moral of this story is:
"Always keep your condoms in your car."
0 Comments
Cinderella
Posted:Aug 22, 2011 3:40 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2024 7:53 pm
41856 Views

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits in her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch with her cat Bob for companionship.

One day out of nowhere appeared her Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The Fairy Godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life sine I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

After some thoughtful Consideration, she uttered her first wish:
"The prince was wonderful but not much of an investor, I am living hand to mouth, and I wish I were wealth beyond comprehension."

Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

"What do you want for your second wish", asked the Fairy Godmother?

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."

At once her wish became a reality, and her beautiful young visage returned.

And the Fairy Godmother spoke, "You have one more wish; what shall it be?"

Cinderella looked over at Bob the cat, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.

Magically, Bob suddenly under went some fundamental changes in his biological make-up so that when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful, the likes of him neither the world nor her had seen.

The Fairy Godmother said, “Congratulations, Cinderella enjoy your new life." The Fairy Godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.

Cinderella sat breathless; gazing at the beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arm. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered.......

" Now, I bet you are sorry you neutered me."
0 Comments
What do you see?
Posted:Aug 20, 2011 11:07 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2024 7:53 pm
42775 Views

What do you see when you walk into a room and see a beautiful lady?
She, who stands there looking as if she controls the room with just a simple look.
What do you see in a woman that is six foot tall?
And she is 180 pounds.
Her over all look says she takes care of herself.
She is dressed in an elegant black dress that hangs off the shoulders.
Her hair hangs to the mid back with just enough curl to give her that look that makes her soft side show.
As your eyes glide down the long torso, you see the edge of the top of her black stockings.
The stockings accent what look to be very strong legs, dancers legs, so well developed and very shapely.
As you look at the feet she is wearing an open toe shoe, very gutsy, as the weather outside is a winter blizzard.
The heel of the shoe is at least four inches high.
Do you see a woman you want to fall at her feet and plead to serve her?
Or are you the type the wants to have her at your feet?
When she looks around, what is she looking for?
Is she looking for a husband?
To walk through life, never feeling?
Is she seeking a companion to share her secrets with?
Is she looking for a partner of the female persuasion?
Is she looking for a man to control at her feet?
Is she trying to find her next servant, to fill her every whim?
A man she can crush the pride of?
A man to do her bidding?
Only to toss him when he has bored her?
Maybe she is feeling lost amidst the large crowd and needs to be rescued?
Do you want to know how she feels and what she seeks?
Do you really want to know what it is she is looking for?
Ask me and I will tell you.
I will tell you this.
She stands there feeling alone and empty.
She looks for the man who knows he is confident.
She wants a man who has a take-charge attitude.
She is looking for the man she will feel secure with.
She looks around at the room looking into the eyes of every man there, searching.
She is searching for a spark in the eye of the man who will capture her.
She wants to be captured.
Needs to feel as if she has no control.
She wants to be taken.
She knows the man of her desires will take her the instant she walks into a room.
She knows the moment they are alone he will take her and claim her as his own.
She knows what her training will be like and why it will be that way too.
She knows he will wrap his fingers in her hair dropping her to her knees.
And she will feel wanted, needed.
She knows he will strip her in an instant of her pride, as well as her clothes
She will have no choice but to let it happen.
It will excite her.
It will scare her.
She will crave this always.
He will put a collar around her neck and force her onto all fours to follow him.
She will not fill naked in his presence, because she wears his honor.
He will bind her in a fashion that pleases him.
She will be used at his will.
She will accept what he has to give her with out a word of protest.
She will not scream or yell above a whisper.
He will cherish her obedience.
He will form her in to what he desires the most.
He will form her into a willing slave.
He will make her desire to be touched by him.
He will touch her and then leave her in a state of confusion.
He will deprive her of her of her hearing.
Then he will deprive her of site.
Then he will deprive her of both.
Touching her as he desires.
Then he will void her of that too.
He will watch her squirm as she becomes insane from the desire to know where he is.
Then when he knows she is his, he will slap her ass.
First it will be his hand.
She will jump from it.
Her jump will make him smile.
He will let her think about what she feels.
Then when she starts to squirm around she will feel a paddle on her ass.
She will whimper louder.
He will then touch her softly.
He will watch her body arch toward his touch.
This will please him.
He will continue to train her this way for the next few days.
She will learn if she moves she will feel pain.
When she remains ever so still she will receive pleasure.
As the time goes on she will learn that some pain can be that of pleasure.
She will learn that when her nipples are touched the heat in her belly burns for release.
Yet she will find no release.
She will learn she is for his enjoyment.
He won’t touch her between her legs till the end of her lesson.
Instead he will place clamps on her nipples.
He will touch her with ice.
He will touch her with heat, but won’t mar her lovely body.
He will drive her to the edge of pleasure and pain.
To her the pain will become her pleasure.
If she attempts to fall asleep before allowed she will feel a whip on her ass to awaken her.
He will make the next few days for her either painful or that of pleasure.
She will only find release when he desires it.
When it is time to sleep she will be allowed to sleep in a corner in the beginning, but always bound.
She will be awakened.
He will bathe her.
If he wishes he my dress her, but that is very unlikely.
He will feed her with his fingers.
She will take each bite and then thank him before the next morsel is given to her.
She will lick and suck his finger to thank him.
If she has done this properly she will feel his touch caressing her face.
She will lean in to the touch like a kitten, and this will please him.
He will speak to her in a whisper to give her praise.
She will not fight his touches anymore.
She has succumbed to them.
She still won’t hear or see what is going on around her.
She will learn to trust him.
She will learn to rely on only him.
She will need him, want him.
On the second day, She will receive a gift of hearing.
She will learn his voice.
She will hear the sweetness in his voice.
She will hear the sternness in it.
She will now learn to know his moods through the tone of his voice.
Today she will learn what his voice will do to her body.
She has learned to become excited through his touch.
She has felt her insides burn to be touched.
She has felt the itch between her legs for a day without relief.
She wishes only to earn his touch.
Today she will lean the same of his voice.
She will learn that his praises will cause the heat to well up in her.
She will feel herself dripping at the sound of his voice.
She will learn to please that voice.
She will also learn that if she forgets to do something correctly that voice will bring the fear of being left alone.
She does his bidding by the sound of his voice.
Feeling the pleasure and the pain of her actions.
He sees she is coming along well.
She is beginning to trust him in all things.
As the day comes to an end she is rewarded.
She has been lead to a soft bed to lie upon.
She is tied to the four corners and left without covering.
She will only here the night sounds.
To allow her mind to wonder if it is he that she hears in the halls.
Slowly her mind shuts down and she sleeps.
It is the third day of her training.
Today will truly be a test.
Today she will feel why she is there and she will truly enjoy.
She is awakened by the weight of his body.
She jumps and thinks about screaming.
He is ready for it because today she looses her voice.
Today she will learn to be silent through everything.
She gains her eyes back today as a trade.
She will see her Master for the first time today.
Today she will be touched everywhere.
He starts by barely touching her face.
She begins to relax.
She tilts her face following his hand.
He smiles at her, pleased.
She relaxes and closes her eyes savoring this.
He shifts on her and pinches her left nipple.
She tries to scream and can’t.
Her eyes fly open and her body arches.
She is treading a new sensation.
Now she sees his pleasure as he teaches her to enjoy the pain.
He releases the nipple and then sucks on it to reward her for the arch of her body.
Again she arches.
Her back leaves the bed she is still bound too.
As he sucks her left nipple he pinches and twist the right nipple.
The fire is rekindled in her belly and her juices began to drip from her.
Making the itch between the legs unbearable.
Her eyes begin to water.
Her life will be his to control.
Her desires will his desires to fulfill for him.
She will no longer need to think for herself because they will be one.

What do you see when you look at her?
0 Comments

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