Hmm, can a Dom be submissive?
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Posted:Jan 23, 2014 11:16 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 1:0 pm 38317 Views
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I'm a Dom. I take the lead, the power, the responsibility. I prefer to thank, though, that I'm a nice guy, and doggone it, that let's me be taken advantage of. Makes me wonder.
Certainly I want to be protective, facilitate growth, and make happy those I care about. Sometimes that means sacrificing or at least weakening the D/s relationship. I tend to lean too much towards giving freedom than maintaining control, even when my best judgement dictates otherwise.
Do you let a sub make her mistakes, even when you anticipate them? Do you exercise control even when it makes her unhappy? Of course the answer is somewhere between the two extremes, but it is a difficult issue.
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Just took an aura test.
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Posted:Dec 26, 2013 5:21 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 1:0 pm 38017 Views
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It says I have a blue aura. I like most of the following, so I hope this is accurate.
Personality: Blue’s are very loyal and can be the truest friend any aura could hope to find. On the inside, blues tend to be emotional and even a bit moody. However, you know that other auras depend on you, so you put on a strong front. They tend to live a quiet but enriching life. Blues are very giving of them and is hard to let go of relationships. They believe the key to living a good life is simple: Be as honest with yourselves and others as possible. They value the truth over everything else. Blue will remain loyal to those who are honest with them, even if their honesty hurts.
Compared to most other auras, blues handle the truth very well. They take every event into stride. Blues are the calm spot in a sea of chaos. They think that the solution to most problems is open communication; they wish that people would be more real with each other. A Blue personality uses its five physical senses to access information. An emotionally driven personality, you need to be liked and accepted. It is one of the "needs" that can cause apprehension in your personality. You are a polite, cooperative person who seeks to create conflict-free surroundings. You possess highly developed powers of observation.
Family is important to you and you sometimes find yourself in the role of being a caretaker. You are conservative, reliable and trustworthy - you are quite trusting of others although you are very wary in the beginning until you are sure of the other person. You are not impulsive- you always think before you speak and act and do everything at your own pace in your own time. You take time to process and share your feelings. You are genuine and sincere, and you take your responsibilities seriously. You have a deep need for peace and harmony in your everyday life. You appear to be confident and self-controlled, but may be hiding your vulnerable side. You are generally fairly even-tempered, unless your emotions take over - then you can become either moody and over-emotional, or cool and indifferent. You are sensitive to the needs of others.
While you are friendly and sociable, you prefer the company of your own close group of friends. You are a rescuer and love to be needed. You can be rigid - you like to stick to what is familiar to you- you stubbornly do things your way even if there is a better way. Untidiness and unpredictability overwhelm you. You don't like to draw attention to yourself. While you don't like to have discord or conflict in your life, you are often the cause of conflict with others; you can be quite manipulative but in a very subtle way.
You make a loyal and faithful marriage partner and you are an honest, trustworthy and sincere friend. You are aware of others feelings and sensitive to the moods of others. You are approachable and friendly, always making people feel welcome in your life. You have a thirst for knowledge in order to gain wisdom and appear knowledgeable in whatever area interests you. You can be too cautious and worry about every little thing.
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Every now and then....
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Posted:Nov 18, 2013 7:48 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 1:0 pm 40764 Views
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...someone turns out to be a pleasant surprise, beyond expectations.
I've talked to someone online for quite awhile. Her pics showed she's attractive, and her words proved her wise and mature. I knew I might bump into her in person sometime, and wondered if she could indeed be as wonderful as she was online.
Well, I bumped into her. She is indeed the wise and mature person displayed online, but also so very sweet and charming. Her humor and demeanor is intoxicating; her confidence, elegance, and manner with which she handles life's bumps and bruises is thrilling.
And it doesn't hurt that she's drop dead beautiful.
Oh well, a guy can dream. Rogers and Hammerstein said, "If you don't have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?"
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Is the lifestyle accepting?
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Posted:Nov 2, 2013 2:45 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 1:0 pm 43280 Views
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I've been kinky in my personal life all my life, but only in the last few years have a known about, and sought out, company from the local "community". I guess I thought the community would be accepting of those not like them, and I'm discovering that isn't the case.
I have friends and can play any time I want to. I've lived alone all my life, so I don't need sex or a girlfriend, so those are not my goals in reaching out to the community. I've reached out needing acceptance and understanding. I've reached out to simply find a friend or friends who I can talk to on a level greater than physical, emotional, or even loving attraction.
I'm nearing the end of my life, and having been alone since I was a , I've never share my struggles or triumpts with anyone.
I see friends with loved ones. I see how much they'd be missed, and how much their families would miss others family members.
Among other things I hope to come to peace with before I die is that I'm a Vietnam veteran, who lives with the knowledge that 14 families suffered because of me, in ways that I would give my own life to prevent such happening to others. I never shot at anyone who wasn't shooting at me, but still, I look around and wonder how much pain those around me would suffer had similar losses been inflicted upon them.
There's also the love of my life, killed in a car wreck while I was in Vietnam. I want to tell the world about her, and have someone help me recover from the loss.
Fact is, however, to this point that no one wants to make friends with the new guy, the weird guy, who won't play or have sex. My life continutes.
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What's prvate.sug
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Posted:Oct 6, 2013 1:03 pm
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2018 9:27 am 43546 Views
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I had a potential relationship developing, and we were both content to take it slow. I did send her a very private, personal, sensual e-mail, and she responded with a hot, sexy answer that made my blood boil. It was a very special exchance, and I cheerished it tremendeously.
Then I saw this e-mail excahnce posted on Alt and other sites my lady friend had profiles on. My private, personal, sexual idea, and her response, was being used to attract other Doms.
This ended it for me. Was I right? Are e-mails private? Is it okay to use one person's words to attract others?
I felt like I'd given her chocolates, and she'd then advertised "Come get me boys, I have chocolates?" I felt betrayed and used.
Right or wrong? I wonder, and hope to be wiser from this experience.
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Can vanilla and lifestyle co-exist?
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Posted:Sep 1, 2013 4:39 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 1:0 pm 45343 Views
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Gosh, I'm aving the awefulest time fitting into the local community. I'm afraid I have vanilla needs inside the kinky environment, and that dooms me.
I have not need for sex or play. It's fun, and if it happens, wonderfu. Many subs I met within the lifestyle are willing to have sex or play, but want something much, much more.
I'm an orphan, and have been alone all my life. I'm nearing the end of my life, ad really feel a need to have someone miss me, someone to carry on, etc. Someone to convince me that so many events in my life, from Vietnam to the death of the love of my life, make sense.
Well, are vanilla lifestyle events, or at the dungeon, I can find people willing to play or have sex. What I can't find is a friend willing to talk to me, get to know me, care about who I am.
I sit alone or stand against the wall. I am lonely in a crowd. So I have decided I'll attend only if I have an occupation, as in helping at the event, or if I take my own friend so as to have someone to sit with and talk to.
Wish me luck. I'm beginning to believe there's no chance.
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New guys have it tough.
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Posted:Aug 4, 2013 1:22 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 1:0 pm 45639 Views
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I'm still struggling in the local community to fit in. Everyone's friendly and says hello, but then joins their firends and I'm left alone. I know "playing" and such requires a lot of trust and knowledge of the other, but I'm just trying to make friends.
I think maybe those in the community focus so much on waiting until trust is earned that we don't step out on faith. Playing, giving personal information - I understand. But I think we lose a lot of good friends by not joining a newbie at a table and getting to know them.
I've spent too much time sitting alone, unspoken to, to want to attend munches and other events and be lonely in a croud. I've made just a few friends and I hope they'll help me fit in, but it hasn't happened yet, and may never.
I've been a loner all my life, and will die before long knowing that I've killed more people than I've been close to. I thought the lifestyle community was where I'd be accepted, but I doubt I have the social skills to allow others to accelt me.
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Missed opportunity.
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Posted:Jun 27, 2013 10:51 am
Last Updated:Jan 23, 2014 11:17 am 46389 Views
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Ever tried to make a bottom into a submissive. Just can’t be done. Least I couldn’t do it when I wanted to.
Someone I thought might be the sub of my life turns out to be a wonderful bottom when we play, but just not submissive r/t, despite her declaration otherwise. I clung to hope for the longest, believing her to be the perfect sub, and only accepted the relationship after the realization.
Oh, she wants to be of service, but just wants to have too much control. She’ll cook, but wants to plan the meal rather. She’ll ride in the passenger seat, but wants to control the trip. She’ll submit to playing at a local event, but wants to control what we do and with whom.
Nothing wrong with that, of course, as that’s just who she is, but what do I do? Linger around hoping she’ll change? Accept what is and enjoy her as much as possible? Get out of Dodge and spend my time and effort on more fruitful endeavors?
I suspect acceptance is in the immediate future, and long term it’ll depend upon what other opportunities arise. Gosh, I really would have loved to have grown older with this person submitting to me. Such is life.
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Local scene.
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Posted:May 22, 2013 5:44 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2024 1:0 pm 46709 Views
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Humm, have really gotten out more, joining the local community, but have been disappointed. Seems everything is geared towards finding someone to play with, and I'm not making friends. I want so much more than a play partner, but have determined the local community is not where I'll find that.
Anyone have suggestions?
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What shouldmy profile tell you?
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Posted:Apr 17, 2013 3:41 pm
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2013 10:52 am 48652 Views
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I reckon we all agonize a little when writing our profile. Will it impress if I admit that I'm the prettiest person in the world, or does anyone even care that I can leap strong buildings in a single bound?
I've not put much into my profile just because I want folks to know me, not the person I say I am. I believe that for every fault you'll find in person, you'll also see a positive quality I'd never think of mentioning. So I don't like to talk of myself online, and rather meet friends in person.
I'm not new to the lifestyle, although very new to the local scene. In the last 25 years, I've dated relatively little, but have had some wonderful relationships, while being single has allowed me to chase some dreams (skydiving, dancing on TV, etc.). My relationships have been ones envolving BDSM and other aspects of the lifestyle, but I've not known that the lifestyle was organized and practiced as it is.
I stumbled upon websites and other things just in the last 10 years, and am only now trying to fit into the lifestyle community. I thought I'd found the sub of my dreams a year ago and was ready to retire and ride off into the sunset with her, but realized eventually those were my dreams, and not hers.
So now I'm trying to belong to people I don't know. I'm older and not as healthy as I used to be, so I hope to find again my one-true-love rather than a date for Saturday. I've tried to be gentlemanly and reserved in approaching women, but I think one lady perceives me as a perv, and another thinks I'm upset that she chose another. I honestly have no problem accepting "no" as an answer, and respect and honor such decisions, but I hate the idea that I might be causing stress for women who feel they need to tell me no.
So, in trying to meet and get to know someone who may be the sub for me, I simply am very confused. No one knows mebetter than myself, while of course I think I have a lot to offer, I don't pretend to be a man that any woman can't do without. I'm just hoping that there is someone out there who can tolerate me, and that I don't blow it when I find her.
Rogers and Hammerstein wrote: "If you don't have a dream, how ya gonna have a dream come true!". Well, I'm struggling with how to successfully chase my dream; how to find it, what it is, and how to hold onto it.
So, I reckon I'll spend time this weekend thinking what to say in my profile. What is boasting, and what is humble, and which is best? What makes someone want to write or get to know me, and what turns someone off? In person, I try just to be myself, and she can decide if she wants to know more, but online, I've got to decide what it is that will make her interested.
Confused say: He who talkith by the mile, and thinkith by the inch, should be kickith by the foot.
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